Stayed up late and sat a Kyle's with him and Todd last night til 2:00am. As a result, not at my best today and heading to bed soon. Kyle was in a mood, we were supposed to go out and play pool, but him and Todd get into stuff and I should've just stayed home.
Kyle kept apologizing, and then saying he realizes that after awhile apologies don't mean anything anymore, but yet he kept saying 'sorry'. Duh.
Todd was nice, it's a shame that someone who is so cute and sweet can be such a....bad person to be with. He's always been sweet to me and all, but I've seen him when he's been at it for a few days and it ain't pretty. He works the oil patch so the money isn't a problem and him having money is not always a good thing really. He gets into the powder and it's all bad. I told Kyle that I'd be a basket case if I was with Todd and he says, "Why do you think he goes out with the hurtin' chicks he does? They have the same habits and they don't give a shit what he does."
Kyle and me made with the smoochies again and that pissed me off because then he says that I turned him on on purpose just to say no and leave. I just said, "If you don't want me here, say so. I won't be. You're the one that said, "Kissing isn't a big deal.", well apparently it is." He laid down on the couch with me, not the other way around. so whatever. I hate games. Of any kind. Now, this weekend, he says we can go out on Friday but Saturday he's going out. Wouldn't tell me with who and I wouldn't ask. None of my business really. I told him we didn't have to go out at all.
I don't know. Its like having a boyfriend that you only have once in awhile. It's all fucked up and I knew that it would be this way. I don't know what he thinks because he won't tell me. Stupid shit.
On a separate note, found a song that reminded me so much of my mother that I was in tears. It was scary. Good song though.
13. Numb 03:05
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless
Lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure
Of walking in your shoes
[Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow]
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
I've Become so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you
Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly
Afraid to lose control
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
[Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow]
Every step that I take is
Another mistake to you
[Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow]
And every second I waste
Is more than I can take
And I know I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me
With someone disappointed in you
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
