New Car Blues

So, I received my mother's old car, she bought a 2000 Saturn on Monday. This is great! I mean it, I really do love the fact that I have a car.
Problem #1: Can't afford to insure it.
Problem #2: Can't afford registration.
Problem #3: Still haven't properly thanked my mother because everytime we get on the phone we start arguing about the fact that the car is still in her garage and that somehow in some sly way, this is my fault. That me not having money for insurance and my insurance being high is in someway my fault because I was sly and taking things the easy way....blah.
This is not the way to get my mood to improve.
#1: I have no money because I just got a fucking job and I've just caught up on my rent and electricity bills. Telus is half paid. It's not because I wasn't looking and it wasn't because I enjoyed being poor. And it definately wasn't easy.
#2: Sly? How the fuck was I being sly? It just slays me sometimes. My mom has a few key phrases that apply only to me. Stupid, sly, lazy, slack, irresponsible, and a poor parent. All very nice. But I put up with it for the most part because at times in my life, all of the above have been true. That she can't get out of that frame of mind no matter what I do, more her problem than mine, I guess. I only see her when my son comes home and it's only for 5 minutes. It just pisses me off. If I go out on the weekend, it's because I'm drinking and THAT'S why I have no coin. Except that as everyone who hangs with me, and quite a few who don't all know, I haven't drank for 2 1/2 years.
Or maybe I'm smoking and THAT'S where my money is. Quit smoking 3 years ago.
Maybe it's drugs, THAT'S got to be it. Haven't done drugs for over 10 years. HMM.
But it's something sly, something stupid and underhanded.
HOLY FUCK!!!!! I'm in therapy, WHY!!????
Because shit just stinks, a leopard never changes it's spots and neither do daughters who made too many of the same mistakes their mother did.

Now, after all this ranting, let me say this. I love my mom. I do. I appreciate all the wonderful shit she does for my son. I appreciate her paying for soccer and taking him to soccer. I appreciate her taking both kids to curling. I appreciate the fact that occasionally, just occasionally, she tells me something amusing or in the absence of anyone better to talk to, has a simple conversation with me that doesn't end up with my wanting to say something so scathing that she never forgets it.
And of course, I appreciate that she's given me a car. It saves my life, it really does. This past 7 months without a car have sucked beyond belief. And the fact that she's never let me drive her cars just makes it more special.
Just get the fuck off my back. I'm trying and I'm trying hard to get all my shit paid for, caught up and done with. I know why Wayne's living his life the way he does. Because when he finally saw he was wrong and tried to make the changes that everyone said he needed to, it was tossed in his face and it just wasn't good enough. He wasn't good enough and he never would be. And now he'll never make that attempt again. It's sad and I regret that he sees it that way; but I understand.
Headstrong-Trapt

Circling your head, contemplating everything you ever said,
now I see the truth, I got doubt,
a different motive in your eyes and now I'm out, see you later.
I see your fantasy, you want to make it a reality paved in gold,
See inside, inside of our heads (yeah)
Well now that's over, I see your motives inside, decisions to hide.
Back off we'll take you on,
Headstrong to take on anyone,
I know that you are wrong,
Headstrong we're headstrong,
Back off we'll take you on,
Headstrong to take on anyone,
I know that you are wrong and this is not where you belong.
I can't give everything away,
I won't give everything away.
Conclusions manifest, your first impressions got to be your very best,
I see your full of shit, and that's alright, that's how you play,
I guess you'll get through every night, well now that's over.
I see your fantasy, you want to make it a reality paved in gold,
See inside, inside of our heads (yeah)
Well now that's over, I see your motives inside, decisions to hide.
Back off we'll take you on,
Headstrong to take on anyone,
I know that you are wrong,
Headstrong we're headstrong,
Back off we'll take you on,
Headstrong to take on anyone,
I know that you are wrong and this is not where you belong.
I can't give everything away,
I won't give everything away.
I know I know all about (x4)
your motives inside, and your decisions to hide.
Back off we'll take you on,
Headstrong to take on anyone,
I know that you are wrong,
Headstrong we're headstrong,
Back off we'll take you on,
Headstrong to take on anyone,
I know that you are wrong and this is not where you belong.
I can't give everything away,
I won't give everything away.